Maximum capacity

Have you ever been so upset and disgusted that you just shut down? This last week and a half have been too much for me and today I just couldn't take any more. I literally just shut down. I quit trying to save face and play nice with my MIL. I just kept to myself and helped my kids but I finally had to tell my 10 year old that I couldn't take any more and I needed her to just do what she was told and stop arguing. She has been upset by this last week and a half too. How would you like to be a guest in someones home where you have to ask for every little thing you do...even get a drink of water. This is just so they can't come back and say, "Where is the glass you used?" I have felt like a prisoner in my MIL house especially because of my kids. It doesn't feel very good to know that she disapproves and thinks badly of my children.

Have I said that I'm ready to go back home?

You gotta know when to walk away, you gotta know when to run...

At this point and time I am about ready to run as far away from my MIL's house as possible and contemplate never coming back! How can a woman who raised my wonderful husband be as domineering and controlling as she is??? How can she listen to her son and still think that we don't know what we are doing when it comes to raising our kids. She actually had the nerve to say that our kids where pretty much heathens and she is afraid that her grandkids are going to grow up and be horrible!!! That woman has crossed the line. It makes me almost ill to look at her. She is so high and mighty and telling us that we aren't doing our jobs as parents and then has the nerve to be wounded when my husband tells her how mean she can be and how she talks down to everyone.

We have been away from Alaska for about a month and a half and we are all ready to go home. The horrible thing is that we are planning on moving back to Indiana after we graduate but now I think that there is no way that I want to live that close to her. I hate to feel that way but I can't help it. I have decided to apply at Purdue and IU and see what happens. I think that 2 hours away is just close enough to make a day trip but also far enough to keep them at a safe distance. I am really starting to feel a bit mean about the whole situation so I better keep it to myself and just pray about it.

It appears that we have been here long enough to see why we moved away in the first place. Good thing that not all of our family makes us feel this way!

Also I am still having food problems. I can't quite figure it out and I am going to request an endoscopy for them to biopsy my small intestine to see if I have celiac. When I eat sugar it has been hurting my stomach and it is possible that soy is too. Life is such a bummer sometimes! I think not knowing is the worst part!!!

Oh, and on a positive note...Groban promised us a vblog this weekend! It is Sunday night so I assume it will be there when we wake up in the morning. :)

Staying on task & summer craziness

It has been way too long since I have written. However, this comes as no surprise to me. I am the kind of person who decides to start a journal and writes in it a couple of times a year or will do good for a week or so and then fall back into my normal routine. I thought that because this was faster...I can type instead of write that I would do better but NO! Actually, I have done better because I have written about some of the major events and it occurs every couple of months. Well, I'm back to write and it has only been 2 months. :)

This summer we left Alaska and are spending it with our family in Indiana. We did this for 3 reasons. 1) My Dad died in November and we wanted to help my step-mom fix things and move out of their house. 2) We can't afford to live in Alaska during the summer on student salaries. We had the hardest time paying for rent and daycare - even when we both worked full time jobs. 3) We wanted to spend time with family and friends without the craziness of coming for a few short weeks like we did the Christmas of 2008. Weeeeeeell, things don't usually turn out the way you envision them and this summer has been no exception. We are spending time with family and friends and we have been helping my step-mom but Ian and I are also taking online classes. He is taking 6 credits worth and I am taking 10. Yeah, it hasn't been that much fun. My classes are interesting but I would much prefer to NOT take classes on my break in-between semesters. It's a sure way to get my brain leaking out of my ears. LOL! The positive things about this summer are that we have had time to really see our families and our children have gotten to spend time with them also. I got to see my baby brother graduate from high school and we get to reconnect with our church family here. My little sister just got engaged and I get to be here to celebrate with her and her man. We have taken lots of pictures and will have them to treasure for the next year when we go back home to finish our final year of school. Some of the negatives are that I got into a fight with my MIL for the first time in almost 12 years of marriage. And it is VERY difficult to split your time between family members and not have someone with their feelings hurt. That resulted in me crying from frustration and my feelings being hurt because we have tried so hard. I hardly ever cry so you can imagine how upset I was.

We have been on a journey to understand how to deal with and train our daughter on how to behave in a non confrontational and respectful manner. It seems that we may finally be on the right track after some much needed advice from other parents who have been through the same thing. It is difficult to be a parent when you don't have the tools or example from your own childhood to help.

So amid all the fun and craziness we putter along doing the daily tasks that need to be done and try to savor the experiences of this summer and spending it with those we love.

See you in a month or so ;)

Happy Birthday to ME!

Today I celebrate my 31st birthday and I love it! I am not afraid to grow older and I have wonderful family and friends. My husband gave me the most beautiful gift and I am ever thankful that I am blessed by his presence in my life. He thinks about me and what I truly need. I have learned a lot from him and aspire to be more like him.

We are packing up and cleaning our apartment to move out for the summer. That's what happens when you live in family housing on a university campus and don't want to pay rent for the summer! And when I say we I really mean my husband mostly. I am trying to finish up last minute work. I did spend about 2 days packing the girls and our room but he will have done the bulk of the packing, cleaning and moving. I will be helping finish up the last minute stuff on Friday as we fly out of here at 1 am on Saturday. There is only 5 more days until we go to Indiana for the summer! I am ready for the heat and humidity! Yay for my skin! :o)

Here is a picture of the beautiful gift I got. It's a piece of whales' tooth that has been scrimshawed and painted by a talented Alaskan artist. I am in love with it!

Countdown to Indiana

Today begins the 2 week countdown until we are on a plane and headed to Indiana for over two months! The list of things that has to get done before we leave is enormous! However, once we are on that plane we can take a big breath and relax! It will be a bit hectic this summer trying to spend time with everyone but I am determined to enjoy and not let little things bother me!!

Heavy heart

I have a lot on my mind this morning. As some of you know I live about three parallel lives being a full-time student, part-time worker, mother of three and a wife. We moved away from Indiana because we wanted an adventure and to get our kids away from all the dysfunction of our families. Then in November I lost my Dad all of the sudden and that really shocked me. We decided to go back to Indiana after we graduate so I can pursue my Masters at Purdue University. We have grown, our kids have grown and I have a younger brother and sister that need me around. We also have nieces and nephews that we are missing grow up. Not to mention the fact that my step-mom needs us. I grew up in a family that was pretty messed up but not as bad as it could be. Our biggest problem is that my mom is so selfish. She was not a good mommy. She was a mother and took care of our food, clothing and shelter needs but not emotionally. I was a really good kid, no partying, no sneaking out, no boys and I was grounded all the time. I was disrespectful and talked back a lot because I really despised living at home from about 16 on. Finally at 18 I was kicked out. I came home one day from work and was told that I had a week to get out. I had already graduated high school and had plans to live with my grandparents during college so no big, right? Except for the humiliation of being kicked out. My mom had four children from three different men and is on her fourth husband. There is lots involved in all this but that is the very basic of it. Each of us children has had a different screwed up experience but had others to share in it. My youngest brother has been in the house alone with my mom...except for various boyfriends and now new husband and hasn't had anyone to be there. I moved to Alaska and this causes me serious guilt. It is one of the big reasons we are going back. Well, he turns 18 tomorrow and my mom is kicking him out before he even finished high school. This greatly sickens me and I am so mad at my mom. I haven't even talked to her yet. I need to talk to him before he is out. He has one of those pay by the minute phones and it is out of minutes. I offered for him to come with us when we moved up here but he had his friends and school so he didn't want to. We are going to Indiana for most of the summer and I am trying to get him to come back with us for the year before we move back. He says no but I guess we will see. Our sister lives an hour away from him in Indianapolis so he could go there but he says he doesn't want to. I know that he would live with us if we were there. It makes me sick being so far away. When we get there we are going to give him a graduation party and go to graduation to celebrate his accomplishment! I have so much to do right now with school and I am having a hard time concentrating because I am thinking about him. Oh and my sister has totally disowned my mom so I have to call and talk to her to get to talk to him. I hope my mom is happy with her new husband because she is completely alienating all of her children. I talked to my older brother about it all and now I am even sadder. Apparently, my brother is skipping school and calling himself in and I don't know if he'll graduate high school. Life sucks when your parents don't care enough to find out what is wrong.

Little surprises

Life can be so hectic and stressful that you can focus on only that. Then all of a sudden you are pleasantly surprised by something fantastically grand! It happened to me on Thursday evening. I received a call that I needed to call the Dean's office and I was thinking...what for? Then I got an email and this is what it said...

Dear Shannon,

The Fairbanks Garden Club presents their Conservation Award annually to a Natural
Resources Management student who has shown exceptional achievement and interest in
the agricultural industry and/or in the management of natural resources including forested lands. A committee of School of Natural Resources and Agricultural Sciences faculty and the Dean selects the student. The $300.00 cash award is presented at the Fairbanks Garden Club's April meeting. I am very pleased to tell you that you are the recipient of this year's award.

WOOHOO! I was TOTALLY not expecting this! It makes me wonder who chooses and why they actually picked me! I get to go to a luncheon with the garden club so they can give me the award. It is very flattering. It won't look too bad on my resume either ;o) It's magnificent really!